Warning

i have reached a point in my life where all emotions has come to an end and all i could care about the peace i wanna get and its a rare expectation as i was practically living in a chaos for whole my life. 

i don't wanna go to the path where i would start feeling like what i have done till now and i don't have any friends left with my apathy behavior.

People still think i use the mad throw them away when i am done with them and ya so many can give testimony for this statement . Have you ever thought of what all i have been through while living behind those emotions memories and the persons. getting over, moving on and adaptive nature are some of my featured qualities and no one get that no one can ever make me feel about that.

I have made some pretty bad and dark decisions, no one knows my life better than me so stop judging me and assuming things based on on some lines i have said which were just implications of extremely outrageous situation. 

I f you wanna be in my life respect me and my decisions instead blackmailing me coz you know i am that vulnerable to your stupid emotions. People think that they are doing me a favor by not following my decisions , heck you have no idea you are not helping at all. 

Its never a one sided thought ,....you have everything to ruin my reputation with my life in your hands, go ahead and do that i don't care...coz i would prefer to be exposed  rather than to suffocate under your shadow....

Suck it up !!!

Diwali and tragedy

See the whole universe was trying to tell me something !!!  i guess so :-P

Its so contradictory experience i had just few hours ago , and i have to admit not even USA is safe anymore for assaults and abuse..

I am not sure should i laugh about it now or should i be concerned or handle this seriously. Anyways enough with the suspense. Here it goes...

The story begins with the late celebration of Diwali at gurudwara, San Jose. We had lovely time, enjoyed Diwali away from home with the best dinner, sweets and crackers that wont make any sound :-)
So we had fun and then we returned home.

On the way home we had an idea about photo shoot at university gate and that was the most insane thing we did..followed the instincts..

So as usual i was giving some funny poses and going on about 4-5 pics and then we found someone to take a group photo and that was it ..

out of nowhere a women came onto me, looks like she was homeless and high , (apparently she was) started accusing me of something and i stepped back . Before i could understand whats happening she hit me hard on the face saying something .. as of i remember i never seen her before and never done anything to piss er off.

And before i could get to my sensed my friends fighting with her and she went away.
I thought that's it and should go home now but the american guy who was taking our pic called 911 as he was appalled by the instance.

I sure was feeling the burning sensation and some small bumps that vanished soon and my earlobes were so hot that i could feel the heat escaping on the chilly winds. My eyes filled with tears as a reflex to the slap i had.

Everyone was concerned about me  and also they were highly something the word i cant find..

so i made a joke hoping that the tension would wear out, and it did help. the police came and talked to the lady and gave her warning and gave us a speech about what to do and not to do in such circumstances.

We left for home having a discussion about the racism and homeless people, as they took it as a racist thing to do as we are Indians. Frankly, I never though of that.
Everyone kept asking me after that how i felt, was i feeling offended, or was i scared or something else.

Seriously, I am feeling like i am becoming emotionless m for a moment when she came onto me  i got scared but that's it, i never felt more than that. Maybe she was high, may be she was schizophrenic or even my posing and laughing may have made her to loose her control, i was ready to let go her and the things that happened at that instance and everyone else defended me .

How was i supposed to feel and was it seriously a universe call for telling me that i did something terribly wrong or it was just an experience that led to a hilarious and yet  thrilling experience

I am not giving it a thought .. I am just recording a memory that i would want to remember all the time  :-)

How do you know you are safe?

you will never have an idea whats coming your way ..
I don't mean to scare anyone out of this blog  but these are the thoughts i am keeping in since i was a child ..and life is harsh and just think before you judge ..

Being molested over years and absolutely terrified by the physical harassment that happened over the period of time,  i never could say or write anything about how i feel about rapes and the tortures after that .

I am still shivering after watching anurag kashyap's "That day after every day"

There are so many things going on my mind right now that its hard to put them in word sequentially ..
where should i begin , from the thousands of cases i have heard and read in news papers or to the deep and cold experiences my friends shared with me ...

If you are a boy reading this you would never know how deeply scared every girl is for the same treacherous thing that may or may not happen with them in this life, specially if you are from India.
How the girls suffer everyday with the touching, accidental falling and many more tings tat simply disgust me when even thinking of writing them down .
Rapes are the gigantic version of all those minor teases we go through almost every day.
Do you know why there is always a special compartment for ladies in local train or special seats reserved in the bus, to "so called " protect them from the hazards ... and people think why always girls have these advantages .. there are lots of reasons and trust me they aint good..

I am not giving solutions or discussing what a woman should or shouldn't do or matter of fact "wear".
Many programs like "Satyamev Jayate" or short films like this has been made saying you are the woman you have the power and you should fight for that .Or even the stupid things going on in India that say "Bhaiyya " to the rapist and he will just let you go ... WTF

I really want to just say it out loud, i am scared to go back in India as i can see how degrading a girls life can be. Simplest solutions would be don't use public transport get your own vehicle , get a bike , get a car , get a security system and even get a bodyguard still there is pretty good chance of one of those things happening.

I hated men all my life bcoz of such experiences specially my teachers, illiterate and smelling dirty village people travelling in buses, the cleaning guy from infosys, the passerby on local train station , or even let it be one the relative.
There were also good examples but the hatred came from the genuine fear that i had.
 you know what i am no "Zashichi rani " or even i don't have guts to stand for  myself .. ya that's  true and i am really ashamed of that fact..
I should have raised my voice when my maths teacher molested our whole class and no one said anything and suffered from the continuous physical harassment almost for 2 years.
I should have told someone, but i knew know one would understand i was afraid of less marks that i would get if i say anything. I was so stupid.
But nothing changed till i came to Pune and the Malvadi bus crowd became unbearable to bear even in the daylight.
I started retaliating to the nuisances , but they were like dogs's tail  and can be never straightened.
Worst was the case when the cleaning guy pretending to be HR molested me in the Huge and great campus of mysore Infy as he trapped me at the fire exists and blackmailed me saying he would expel me from Infy and then i would never get a job anywhere .

I had slapped a man before in the bus but this was not the same case , i ran away straight to authority and told them everything he said , he got fired from his job and i realized that if you face the fear you may get a good way out if it.

No such case has happened after that, but the memories of helplessness are still there.
I love US for the one reason that you can get drunk without worrying about getting raped or so ..

At least i would suggest my friends, if you are suffering from any of such things, please consult someone , they may not help you but you would feel better and tell your friends to do so .

Coz it may be your sister or friend as innocent that they would never make same mistakes as everyone of us did some point in our life.
I really think, if my mom or my sis or even my dad , however awkward that be, would have warned me about such dangers and a way to stay away of face them , things would have been better... definitely

I know this is not what i usually write, for what its worth i am feeling good to share...
Help will always be at the corner, just yell for it ....

http://www.filmycurry.com/that-day-after-everyday-a-short-film/

The tattoo

came across this tattoo an was fallen in love with what it says , the verses that caught my attention  . This is all i ever wanna be .. clear vision , aim in life and afraid of nothing.. nothing that can hurt me in any possible way ..

Invictus

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul. 

William Ernest Henley

My Birthdays and gifts

Touch wood ...
Paisech kela karan ugi ahe te kharab vhayala nako ...
Kharach khup shan't ahe me sadhya ...
Job frnds lok paise ( katkat chalu Wasatch pan bearable ahe )
Sagal vyavasthit ahe
Sagale vivharatat vadhadivasala kay gidt pahije ani mala kharach sachet nahi kay ...ASA vatachat nahi Ki there is something I wanted to have ...
Aai ne pathavalach ahe tas baghayla lagel ..
Surprise gifts ch ved ajun gel nahi ..
Yavelecha bday kharach bhari asnare ..
Planning to relive the moment which we had last year ..
The fire exit of 101 ..and 8 unknown people... Carziest fun ..
The thing I want more ony bday that my frnds are together ..not by force but will n have fun in an in common way ...
Like last year ..
I never expected from people to do anything for me.. still I always get so good frnda and good celebrations...

Like the first one in cummins hostel ...I was leaving for nanded . Packing n all ..n when I returned to take my bag .there it was perfect pineapple monginese cake with a beautiful greeting card which I still have , every single piece of it .

And even before that in school , sayali' s greetings with the same old stupid rhyme ..roses are red
Sky is blue
My friendship is true
Only for you..

I still adore those little piece of paper.
And our stupid and crazy friendship that took us so far and so close..

My.mum hated when people hides me teddy bears .. as.a child I always wanted to have one but as I grew people forgot that I grew up no longer longing for the bears... A puppy would have been a better gift...ha ha .mom would have killed me ..

Anyways, adya was so pathetic at buying gifts.. I hated his cjoice of gifts ..last year he handed me an envelope having 100 ra note in it ..and said buy something with it .. ha ha aha that was the day I was leaving for usa .. ya but I still love the poster of 3 puppies he gave me ... Saying one of the smallest and cutest puppy was me .. it's was sarcasm .. I later understood it .

Mom kept buying me dresses for my bday...nothing more than that.. but even she made my 12 th b'day spacial by giftinh.me the memories... Biggest and most creative photo album with all my pics in it ... I was seriously in love with that album..

Then comes my sis..who is such an extravagant person that would buy me gifts that no one would be able to afford..
My laptop .. diamond earrings though I never got to use them..etc etc .. loved them ...

And the gift I remeber being a college girl was the one gifted by vivek ... Though I got it 6 months after my actual bday . I still love it .. it was the sketch of mine taken from orkut pic ... Yes .orkut ka.jmana tha ... N I was amazed to know the series of trauma he went through to have that gift .. it doesn't even.look like me but o have to appreciate the efforts..

It was not particularly my bday ..but I got so many surprise farewell gifts like the makeup kit I just got from my roomies while coming to austin ..

The photo frames with collage to have a memory ..by infy friends and hostel friends ...

And chocolates  ahem ahem won't tell the name

And so on ....

Birthdays and farewells have been very spacial to me ...hope they continue like this ..
N I always say ..it's not the gift that matters ..ita the gesture..I love..

So next time dont ask me what I want cuz I love surprises and the stupid simple gestures that blows my mind ..

Luv u all  for making me feel so spacial..

P.S how can I ever forget the Eiffel tower pendant specially from paris ...exotic gift ever

A wednesday..

A same old same old day...
started with snoozing the alarm and suddenly waking up to realize you are 10 mins behind the schedule.
Hmm thinking about getting some sleep while brushing, having milk, walking and almost for every single moment since you wake up.

It was drizzling when i left the apartment, pleasant weather and you would imagine that the day ahead is going to be awesome...
Never happens what you hope..
Walking down in bike lane , opposite to traffic , in Texas ..its a nightmare still i manages every single day 20 mins of suffering. the skeletons of some dead animals will always be there to greet you in the morning..

reached office , half wet not bcoz of the rain but the water splashed by cars ...
And then you have to have a video conference .. why on earth would they keep a conference at 8 ?
i grabbed a black coffee , thought it would help me ..
And to my disappointment, i had to cross the video and audio option just to avoid the embarrassing scene of me dosing off , my eyes were puffed and i was yawning like crazy..
huh remembered some college days...i would look like a swollen pumpkin after the lecture)

My manager must be wondering whether i was even listening to the conversation they had... who cares
i was waiting for the meeting to end.
Hopeless people went on talking continuously about 45 mins and i haven't heard a single word..
(None of them was young or even cute ..so there was nothing that can hold me on to the meting)

I woke up after about 10 mins, to an empty conference window ..
hah the wait was over ..

Still its just 9 am and a whole day to go ...

the ac is killing me and my jacket is wet ....
wish i could have brought my blanket .. there is so much space under my desk.. if i sleep there no one would even notice.. I went to server room stayed up right behind the exhaust of the machines , gathered all heat i can get.. being an engineer always helps.. you would know the exact place for something..

Advice : 1) always have a pair of spare socks, a jacket and a shawl.
2) coffee will not help you for more than 10 mins , you need something permanent
3) check your audio is muted and video crossed twice before you doze off in front of your screen
4) always have a convincing reason supporting to your actions
5) if its too much and you can not control, under your desk is the best place to sleep
6) in the worst case .. mind it in the worst case ..go in the changing room .. you will get enough privacy and sleep :-)
power nap always helps better than coffee..

guys do confirm , i am alive when you read this .. may be i died in my lab because of the extreme cold...
and let me know .. i may not have noticed myself.. ciao

Longing...

The things I said that never reached your heart,
like wasted raindrops resulted in a drought

How happy i was living a lie
you really were the apple of my eye

The torn dreams and unbearable pain
suffering you put me in, that shall remain

come and hug me as if nothing went wrong
lets have that coffee and cherish "our" song

Lahanpanichya daptaratalya komblelya athavani...

Kas kay te nahi pachanakach mogali chi athavan zali.
5-6varshanchi aesen. Pan ravivarchi sakal ..aaine mast nhau ghatleka
Babani sardi hou naye mhanun towel ne khasa khasa dok pusan ...
Ani me apla tondatun vichitra avaj kadhat rahnar ...dok jas halaych tas avajt variations vhayche ..kiti khul te tari tech aavdaych...

mast mag taichya shejari jaun basaych ani kes odh, chimate kadh as karun tila satvaycha ani swatch bhokad pasaraych tine marala mhanun.

routine zalyasarkhach hot.. babanch laksha paper madhe ani aai swaympakgharat. Ani menue tharlelach vangyachi "rasta" bhaji . Nusat rassa bhaji mhaych mhatal tari bobadi valaychi.

Tv var laglelya saglya add tondat ghas astanach mhanyachya ...akhand badbad.
Jevan bajulach rahaych. mala athavtay tai mala ekada mhanaleli ki tu asach saglya aads tondpath karun tv samor mhanat rahilis tar aai tula gharabaher kadhel mhanun...
Tas gharabaher kadhnyachi dhamaki anek vela milali pan vayanusar severity kami hot geli tyachi ..

Sadh varan tup bhat sampeparyant mogali sampaych ani mag aap ki adalat ch gan mhanun palat baher khelayla palaych.
Me khup feku hote ..ho agadi lahanpanapasunach kahi pan fekaychi far vait savay  ahe mala ..aso sodaycha prayatnahi nahi kela kadhi.

Mulanmadhe jaun ugi gappa thokaychya ...tyanchyashi bhandaych ... maitrini lkadhi navhy
Tyach mala ... adya , vinayak, shamya ani ajun kititari ...chaddi buddy kay asat he ata kalatay....

Mag unhamadhe ranran palaych , cricket , marutichya mandirat khipari pani , ground madhlya road roller var chor police with dimonds (khidkichya kachecha chura) ... andhali koshimbir, dhappamkutti , ani lagorachi, hattichi sond , vish ki amrut ( short form viskyamrut) .. ani ajunahi n athavanare barech udyog ...

towel gheun gharabaher padaych ani  hair belt .. dokyavar lavala tar pari nahi tar kuthala to surykanta madhala cape vala item  banaych.
Pani gheun padaych ani mandiramagchya chikhal matiche vegveglya akarache Arthaheen shapes banvayche ,

Farshivar powder takun skid karaych ... ekada powder nahi bhetali mhanun tel taklela .. mazi tar vat laglich pan vinayk ch hat fracture zala ... jam shivya padlya

Mseb quarters madhlya tyaa railwaychya dabbyasarkhya gharatahi vilakshan athavani banlya .
Gharasamor shevgyachya shenga ani gacchi var jambhalancha sada ... mublak ani mofat.
Tyachi kimmat ata kaltey.
Stutnts te kiti chinchechya zadavarun padaych, don n jodlelya gachhi varun udya maraychya .. ek mentally sick mulga hoata ata to bichara vatato pan tya kalat tyala amchyaitak kuni chalal nasel...

Sandhyakal zali ki sagale mothi manase kattyavar basun gappa msrayche ani amhi " ata amhi mothe zalo asa aav anun tyancgya gappa ekaycho " . MOTH VHAYCHI FAR GHAI ZALELI.

Scooter chya gap madhe pay takla ani payach nakh uptun al3la.. tar swapya la eka sheline shingavarun uchalun apatalela .., to bichara radat hota pan to prasanf pahun hasav ki swapya lanavarav hech kal3na...taicha 4 takyancha accident ani tila milnar attention pahun mala pan padaychi iccha zaki...
Athvatay na bhabhaliche 6 katevtalpayat ghusalyanantar zaleli radarad ani tyanantar milaleli kachechi patti .. nilya panyane bharleli .. ani tyala budlele thermocol balls.
Evadhi japun thevleli ti me.


Chocolare pekshahi khari, cream roll ani banpav chi demand vhayachi. Middle class ghar manapasun avadaych ..kasalich khant navhati. Bathroom madhe zural hoti ani cooler pan navhata pan gacchivar zopaychi mubha asaychi ... ratrabhar kalya nilaya akshachya kushit tare mojat ani ajikadun gosht ekat zopayach ...

Ravivarach kay ekek divas ata dolyansamorun sarkatey... halu halu slow motion  ani black and white movie sarakha
.. pepsi , bor ani buddhi ke baal ...dupari anvani payane palat jaun analeli kulfi ...
Kes upteparyant keleli maramari... light gela ki menbattibarobar khelan ... rikamya tablets chya wrapper madhe menala shape den ... ratri bhiti vatali mhanun haluch aaichya kushit shiran ... tula kondyavar vikat ghetaliye as tai ani mamch chidavan...

surai ch pani , fatfaticha avaj, e bhangaaaaarwalai chi kinkali, akkhya family chi eka rajdootvarachi safsri, limbu timbu, jolly, futlele gudadhe, sada taklelya anganatlya matichi chav, barakhadi girbtana lekhani cha pativar honara avaj, duster pinjer khar kabutar maina.....
Galphugi, nava gadi nava raj, I dream of jeany, damake damke mhanat kes udavan, degloorchi aji ani shala aji , khobryachya vadya....kagdachi hodi ani sankraticha colonybhar undarat firan, shubhankaroti ani devakade magaych mazya aai babana akhand ayushya de nahitar mala kon sambhalnar ani copass peti pan , chan chan goshti...

Kiti kiti tya athavni ...ratra ashich jail pan sampnar nahi .. khup japun thevlelya assal ani niragas sukhachya athavni ...khup kahi milalay yachi janiv karun denarya ....
ata kashachich kami vatat nahi ...

aaj me ashich zopnar .. swatasathich ti anagai gat ji pidhyanpidhya mazya gharat gayli jate ani pratyek shabdamage mala nivant pane zop mhananri aai athavate....
Ani tichya thopatnyacha to mua ani ubdar u sparsh
surya gela mavalun , kau chiu bhur bai kauchiu bhoor ...
Akasgachya maidanala  swargangecha poor
Ranatun vanatun , basaricha sur yei basaricha sur
Pashchimecha gar vara neil tyala door
Anganat rat rani anganat ratrani dole anadat bai dole andnat
Nij bala nij ata zali ki ho rat,
Nij bala jij ata rali ki ho rat.......

C a m b i a r

Remember the waiting period at Mumbai International Airport ? 

surrounded with people but all my heart was struck at the big glass window .

The glass window, which partitioned all my loved once leaving just a speaker phone to have the last words..

My heart was throbbing in fear but i had to maintain a smile ,hardest part of the journey.

I was afraid .. yes i indeed was .. no one had expected that from me..

I was afraid of "The Change". though all the decisions were mine n i was happy that everything's gonna change ,there was a part of me still trying to stop me .

The feeling went away when i entered San Jose. 

Why this memory suddenly? something is changing again.. n this time i am scared as hell.

moving to Texas for 3 months !!!!!! 

I always wanted  to wander n go around places but its not a fun trip .Its for the job n i will be managing so many things directly under the director of the team.

The very thought making me shiver. 

Its a damn good opportunity, still trying to search something in San Jose worth enough to avoid going to Texas. I always loved to have new challenges , otherwise the life would be bland. What happened then?

i thing i am growing old or the thought of stability is overpowering the instincts.

Whatever may be the result, I want to face my fears. Being alone, taking over responsibilities, money everything that changes. coz i am sure , change is constant :-P

The Silverlining

six years ....
i have no idea how the time flew ....the surge is still the same like it happened yesterday.
the fun , the marriage , the family moment , his wish to keep me with them for one more night , the hreat wreking and the misery that came along.
i could feel the hearbeats , the moment stopped  as his heart.i just could imagine the pain as his eyelids were shut and the whole body was moving as the stroke ...
all i could feel now is emptyness . thats the moment that kept me awake for so many nights ....its not easy to wach someone die ..and be that person your father.
i miss him but the suffeeing has surpassed the threshold so now only i can feel devasteted.
i wann cry out loud ..i wanna have rhe moment of ourburst .beong so away from family and frends ..only i could do was lye down and cry till someone notices ...alas no one did .
i need a shoulder to cry a voice that can console me .
remind me of my father ..
i was just thinking if thats the case with me ..how my mom is holding up ...its hard to be thwre for someone on the call .
nyways life has to move on ...
trrying hard to ......
miss u dad ...hope you are looking out for us ...

hostel

i promised  sakhu that we wont cry till december , bcoz that was a pact never cry until somone der is to cnsole.
sorry sakhu m breaking that promise .its about today n i cant hold down my tears for nine months from now .
no one is there to share .ithe kuni samjavayala nahiye javal gheun shant karnar pan nahiye . mhanin hostel che divas jast athavta
zoptana kunitari thopataych agadi balish vatel pan tyat je samdhan ani security asaychi na mala vatat nahi ti kuthe milel.
tel lavnyapasun te angai ganyaparyant sagalach...
kunachya tari khandyavar dok thevun mansokt radun ghyaych ..mhanje pudhchya kahi divasansathi chinta nahi.
installments madhech jagaycho .
bhandaycho te pan ekmekansathi ...kunachi tar javlik harvayla lagali ki possessive vhaych ani mg chidchid . kkiti sadhi bhandan hoti . ata tyachahi kautuk vataty karan  life itak materialistic zalay na ki emotions kadhi kadhi gahan taklyasarkhe vatatat.
almost everyone is going through a rough phase  thw people we could remeber for support in this tough times are te real friends .
 never let them go bcoz of stupid issues .
 u can always get back the pride and the ego but never the friends......
luv u guys

destination...

 mumbaichya local Trainmadhe free thand pani vatnara manus
ani me tyahyabaddal ka ligitey ..he mala nahi kalate
pan tyachya tya vagnyacha kholvar kahitari parinam hotoy
he is great pan tyachya parishtithi chi keev yene sodun mala swatabaddalchi keev yetey
kiti motha vicharat to jagtoy ...nirpeksha ani vayachi tama nahi
...jevanachi tyachya soy asel asahi vatat nahi ..pan paristhiti samor zuklela to kadhich vatnar nahi ...sagal devane dilat to sagal baghtoy ..kunasathi changal goshti karat raha to tumach bhal karel ya sadhya viahwasavar jagnara
tyat tagamag ahe atmiyata ahe ...local madhe pravas karun garmi ne hairan zalelya jivana shantata milavi mhanun evadhi dhadpad ...anolakhi lokansathi ajkal kon jagato ..
vait yachach vatata ...swatabaddal vichar kela tar vatat ki kiti self centered ahe he ayushya ..
swatasathi job pahije ...paisa pahije ..statis pahije ...
khekadyachi vrutti ..dusaryanch bhal zal ki ttas honari ghaneradi mentality ...ayushya tya kagdachya ladyankhali dabal gela ...kunala shwas ghyaychi iccha pan nahi ..sagale gudamarat ahet tya khullak pan sarvat mahtvachya vatnarya gkagdakhali..


kay na ka evadhi dhavpal kartoy ...samadhan jar kuna eka vyaktich bhal karan asel evadh sadh asel tar apan ybakichyaphapatpasaryamage ka dhavtoy..

 parents ne create jelelya competetion madhe swatala kay havay te visartoy .. tyanche aims apale mhanun khapavtoy kashasathi tar so called status ...cganagal ghar pahije ..mirvayla gadi pahije ...

rentachya gharatahi athavani ubharlya jatat he visaralo ..ekmekanch hat hatat gheun chatalahi yet garditun hehi visaralo ...kunala nirpeksha madat kelyavar tyachya chehryacche bhav  visaralo ...

ani he sagal karun milat kay ?
yapudhe kay ..thike paisa milala khup maan pa. milala ...ata kay kahich nahi sagalach pokal vase...

tya velijanvel kadachit jagan magech sodun aloy jyadivashi javlachya mitranchya success var jealous vhayla lagalo ...


ata rahilay to fakt vel ...ghalvanyasathi ...kamavlela nahi ..hakkane milavlela nahi ...fakt urlela nirthak vel ....

Let it out ..

So many complications in a relationship..
every mind is different and so are the relations they carry.
First you try to find the perfect one...closest to your expectations..the one who scores highest on your checklist.You start falling for them. you get attached. Start caring about the simple things happening with them. You put their needs ahead of yours.
There goes the expectations. Since you already have given the person importance in your life you expect the same thing from them.
And there is the failure no :1 .Coz while you were trying to understand , they were convinced that their problems are so important that they don't even bother to consider yours. So the caring is not mutual.

Now you convince yourself that their problem is bigger and you should not be a stumbling stone in their path rather you choose to be their and be supportive. Here is the failure no 2.
You would never tell them how you feel so they would never understand whats going on your mind.

Still you keep thinking not to hurt them with your sarcasm or in a way telling the truth. You will suffer in silence. That is the failure no 3. You would keep thinking how much you are hurt ,you wont tell anyone and soon you will be the person who gets angry easily on anything. you loose all the patience you have and the person who caused you this doesn't have the slightest idea of your behavior , let you go so considering you are a sad person.

At this moment , you will be left alone and you would keep thinking that wish you could have let your feelings out before all this happened.

Advice..Never ever let the relation be one sided. Else one or the other will get hurt for sure.

metro station...

हात दाराबाहेर बाहेर काढला कि हवी ती वस्तू मिळणार अशी जिची ख्याती ती US ची Indian चाळ म्हणजे
metrostaion  !!!
and its cent percent true :-P (Experience...)

तर अस हे metrostation .. जिथे उदार होऊन जेवायला बोलावलं जात ..आणि रात्रभर राहण्याचे मात्र charges लावले जातात...त्यातल्या त्यात बरी गोष्ट म्हणजे coffee पासून जेवणापर्यंत  service अप्रतीम  असते ..
(आणि जेवण आपण बनवला तर सगळे charges माफ पण होतात :-P )

जिथे एक रात्र घालवायची म्हणजे दारूची party पाहिजे किंवा horror movie show तरी..
घरापर्यंत सोडण्याच आश्वासन देऊन,भूतांची भीती दाख्अवली जाते (मग काय दुसरा पर्यायच नाही राहत :-P )

पनीर  म्हणून चिकन खाऊ घालतात
आणि midnight snack म्हणून brownie -ice-creams ची treat मिळते.
Splitwise वर मात्र कधी त्याचा हिशोब नाही करणार ..


metrostation ..जिथे शिव्यांच्या मधुर स्वरात NFS मध्ये एकमेकांची वाट लावली जाते ..
कुठल्याही विषयाच्या कुठल्याही वादामध्ये दोन्ही बाजूनी defend केल जात (u just cant not win in a conversation in any way !!!)
आणि डोक्यात गेलेल्या लोकांची भारी उडवली जाते ..

त्या चाळी  ने मला खरच शिकवलं ...जगण्यासाठी मोठ्या rooms आणि सोयीसुविधा लागत नाही ..
लागते ती मानाने मोठी माणसे ...निस्वार्थी जीव लावणारी ..विनाकारण काळजी करणारी ..
जिथे उपकाराची भाषा नसते ..जिथे मनात काही राहत नाही ..दिलखुलास वागण ..

खर सांगू..
माझ्या ikea च्या comforter पेक्षा ही सध्या fleece blanket मध्ये आणि गादी पेक्षा metrostation च्या कार्पेटवर सुखाची झोप लागते...