Diego

San diegooooo is beautiful .... I can say I haven't felt this excited ever which usually I am always ...as per people say ....

Roads by the ocean clear water , warm sand , coconut tress giving feel like u r in go a ... amazing shop places. .. everything ...wine bars music ...street dance ...what you need in a city that is so live...

M happy enjoying but would say these are not the places you want to be alone ... frnds family at least a familiar face is needed ...

Yes I have changed a lot...

It's not being alone it's about feeling alone ...

Now I am enjoying a merlot and costliest pasta at seaside ..what else I can ask for ...

Confused again

It feels like m tied with so many barb wires ..afraid to move to get Bruced again afraid to stay still being a stone being so c entered. ...

I open my mouth to spill the nails rusted enough to hurt others ... I behave like a barbie need to be rescued ...
I behave as if I am better rather superior ..and at the same time o feel like the garbage dumped outside the house ...

I am afraid to go away m a afraid to stay ... I want people in my life but not always the new ones ...

It's hard to decide ..us hard to choose ... wandering for answers when no one has and clue...

I don't wanna go back I don't wanna move on ...why can't I stay once in my life here just here ..

What I expect is never what I get ... then why I keep do I no that again and again ...

I am at the place where all decisons are mine ... safe to say I can not blame nyone else now ...

Let's hope the chaos end sooner and I can be happy with what I have and stop spending sleepless nights at my cushion imagining what could have been ...

If u need me

When I see my friends suffering from one thing or the other I just feel bad when I can not find a solution to that ...
I seriously feel helpless and sad on so many levels...
I wanna be the money in their account to keep them on track,
I wanna be the medicine that eases their pain , I wanna be a punch in g bag when they feel frustrated .. I wanna be the postman that delivers what they actually wanna say, I wanna be the shield between their hearts and the social pressure ..I wanna be the teddy bear when the badly want a hug, I want to be the one who makes them laugh and also the one to cry with them ...
I wanna be at the every airport every station when they get down to have a familiar face... and be a part of the stupidest things others would deny ..

I want to be a serious face to get you tensed enough to work, I want to be there to break your heart only to make you tougher ... and tell you the reality when everyone else is hiding the truth

I want to be the cigarette they light  to get relief from burdens , I Want to be the transport mechanism to take them to their loved ones whenever they want ...

I want to be me again as I was in my college days before all the betrayal started and I felt it's all worthless. .

I love the their smile when they are happy and reason is me ... or even for no reason .. I love to be a part of their happiness ... I also wanna be the shoulder they need to cry and let go ..

I wanna be the diary they keep to write down and never to read again ...I wanna be the mirror if they need to introspect..

I don't wanna be perfect , I don't want money , I don't want even a job as long as I am happy with them ..
It feels so unimportant to have money with no friends left ...
It feels so wrong to have the things u r friends always want

It feels just so miserable ..all that you want is to be a part of their life ..and share ... and all u get is a hard door slam

Never mind ... I am never gonna change , I will be Der wheneve wherever u need me  ... just say u miss me n I would know something is definitely wrong ...